I had recently confessed that I had considered moderation once I reached a year of sobriety.
I decided against the notion when I realized how much effort and discomfort the process of introducing alcohol back into my life would produce.
I will be the first to admit that moderation and I are a terrible combination. In almost every facet of my life, I am plagued with an “all or nothing” attitude.
I have spent much of my adult life attempting to moderate my eating habits through programs like Weight Watchers or simply counting calories. These diets have crashed and burned every time due to a single detail:
I cannot easily control myself.
If I give myself the permission to have a slice of pizza when I know in my heart that it might not be the smartest idea, I will spiral into a bed of Hostess snack cake wrappers by the end of the evening.
Cutting back on caffeine.
Every time I decide to get squirrel-y and make caffeine off limits, I become a ravenous energy drink hoarder. Although, hoarding might not be the correct term in this case because I will drink them like water.
Dastardly quantities of coffee, Red bull and 5 Hour Energy shots.
Sticking to a budget.
Okay, so I have X amount of dollars that needs to last me until next payday. I am going to be careful to allot enough money for groceries, gas, and the occasional snack at work….
Two days later, I will have blown the money I set aside for snacks PLUS half of my grocery budget on…well…energy drinks and beef jerky. Quite possibly the two most expensive items in a convenience store.
The point is, I don’t like to say no to myself.
It took me three hundred and sixty five days to get to a point where I have said no to alcohol enough times, that I don’t feel the urge to say yes anymore.
Why would I want to ruin that progress by allowing alcohol a space in my life again?
If I were to use every example up until this point to predict the outcome of moderation, I would not just stumble around my sobriety, I would steamroll over it.
The question of moderation is a common one among newly sober individuals. There is a desire to control yourself while still enjoying the social benefits of drinking…
but I urge you to continue along your sober journey if this thought process still applies to you.
I would venture to say that it wasn’t until I realized that there are no true benefits to drinking that I was able to make the conscious decision to avoid attempting moderation.
Keep plugging along.
You’ve got this!